Why I’m Not Trying to Make New Friends After 40 (And Why That’s Okay)

Intro:

We’ve all heard someone say, “I’m not trying to make new friends.” On the surface, it can sound antisocial or dismissive. But if you’re in your 40s or beyond, that phrase starts to carry a whole new weight. It’s not about shutting people out—it’s about recognizing the power of relationships that have been built over decades.

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Listen to "Friends After 40: Why Your Circle Shrinks But Grows Deep" on Spreaker.

Friends from the Beginning of Adulthood

Friendships you start in your teens or early 20s come with a different energy. These are the people who were there during your first job, first apartment, first heartbreak, first real success. They were becoming adults alongside you.

By the time you reach 40, something strange and powerful happens:

You’ve now known those friends longer than you haven’t.

That changes everything.

Why Foundational Friendships Hit Different at 40+

Friendships at this stage aren’t casual. They’ve survived:

• Marriages and divorces
• Career shifts and relocations
• Health scares and heartbreaks
• Late-night crisis calls and unspoken gestures of support

They’re woven into the story of your life. At 40+, those shared years matter more than shared interests.

Fewer Friends, Stronger Bonds

Your circle gets smaller—not because you’re cutting people out, but because life moves you. What used to be weekly phone calls become yearly check-ins. What used to be bar nights turn into “just checking in” texts. And yet… the real ones remain present, even from miles away.

Sometimes they show up with a paintbrush when you buy your first home.

Sometimes they send a meal card when they know you’re struggling—even if you never said a word.

It’s Not That We Can’t Make New Friends…

…but building this level of friendship requires time and life-shared experiences. At 40, we’re more discerning. We’ve already invested in people who became our personal history. And let’s be honest—it’s hard to recreate 20 years of friendship overnight.

When someone says “I’m not trying to make new friends,” they’re not being cold. They’re saying:

“I’ve built my village. I’ve done the work. These people are my forever people.”

💬 Final Thought:

Friendship in your 40s is less about how often you talk and more about who shows up in the most meaningful ways—even when you haven’t spoken in months. These are your bedrock relationships. Don’t feel bad if you’re not adding new ones to the list. Just be grateful for the ones that still stand strong.

📩 Want More Like This?

This post was inspired by my podcast series Friends After 40, where I dive deep into relationships, growth, and navigating life after the “supposed prime.”

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