Mentally tough does not mean mentally indestructible

I am often amazed by how easily people want to define what they believe is mentally tough. There are a litany of different things that we get exposed to on a regular basis that we have to make decisions that require us to have to endure certain things. And since we are all built differently and we are all equipped to handle things differently, I’m always a little concerned that it is way too easy to want to vilify someone who does not display a level of toughness at the level that the person believes they should.

That’s why I hate the phrase, mentally tough.

When I hear the phrase mentally tough, I often wonder if there are some people out there who literally think that that means mentally indestructible.

Each of us is unique and how we handle things, view things, and deal with them is equally unique. However, for whatever reason, we live in a world where it is very easy for people to draw an opinion about how someone should handle a particular situation. What’s even more concerning is that most people who have an opinion about what somebody should or shouldn't do in terms of their ability to endure mentally are based on no experience in that particular area.

My late uncle told me that when he went to school during the early years of integration he got called the N-word so many times a day but he had to develop a mechanism for tuning that noise out. Most of us can’t relate to what it means to be called the N-word multiple times a day, much less a daily basis. But no one should ever hold a grudge against him if he were to say he had some residual effects from being subjected to that type of abuse on an ongoing basis.

And sometimes we often forget that the mechanisms we develop for our mental toughness is not because we are trying to prove that we are tough, it may be because we need it in order to survive. However, since we are human, it should not be a surprise that being bombarded with any type of stressor over a consistent period of time will wear a person down. We are not indestructible.

So the next time someone takes it upon themselves to articulate their opinion about how they believe someone should address the situation based on their own standard of mental toughness, recognize that being tough does not mean you have to be indestructible.