In African-American culture, it has long been customary to show respect for elders by addressing them as “Mr.” or “Mrs.” This tradition persists regardless of circumstances—whether in the workplace, during casual interactions, or even when roles of authority might suggest informality. Respect transcends occupation, service dynamics, or professional hierarchy. For many African Americans, this practice reflects a deeply rooted cultural value: reverence for age and experience.
This respect contrasts sharply with the norms of the Jim Crow era. During that time, it was common for Black men and women working as domestic servants to be addressed by their first names, even by their younger, white employers. This dynamic extended beyond the workplace, reinforcing a subtle but powerful message of inequality.
My mother often shared memories of my grandparents, who worked as domestics during part of their lives. Even outside the work environment, some younger white people they encountered would still call them by their first names. While this might seem innocuous to some, it sent a clear, coded message: “You are less than me.” For my mother, these moments served as a poignant reminder of the social hierarchy that lingered long after work hours.
The Weight of Words
Words carry immense power, especially when used to subtly enforce social norms. For Black Americans, coded language is a reality we’ve learned to navigate. It’s not just about what is said—it’s about what is implied.
Take the term “boy” when directed at a grown Black man. Regardless of intention, the word carries a history of demeaning connotations, signaling inferiority and subordination. Similarly, imagery and phrases often associate Black people with welfare, laziness, or criminality. Even without explicit racial slurs, these coded messages serve as tools to perpetuate stereotypes and maintain a perceived social order.
A History of Coded Messaging
This use of language to signal inferiority is not new. Consider George Wallace’s infamous statement: “Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.” He didn’t need to explicitly say, “We don’t want Black people around.” The implication was clear. Similarly, phrases like “states’ rights” during the Civil War era were thinly veiled justifications for maintaining slavery.
Even today, terms like “affirmative action,” “critical race theory,” and “woke” are often wielded as dog whistles, disproportionately tied to discussions about Black people. These phrases are used in ways that let everyone know who is being talked about—while providing plausible deniability to those using them.
Breaking the Cycle
As a nation, we must confront the harm perpetuated by these linguistic patterns. It’s not enough to say, “That’s not what I meant.” Intent does not erase impact. When Black people explain how certain words or actions feel disrespectful or harmful, denying their lived experience only deepens the divide.
My mother’s recollections of her parents being addressed disrespectfully, even by those younger than them, highlight how language reinforces social hierarchies. These individuals may not have intended to be overtly hostile, but their actions perpetuated a system that placed Black people at the bottom.
As we prepare future generations to thrive in an increasingly multicultural democracy, we must unlearn these harmful patterns. Words and symbols should uplift, not demean. When people of color call attention to disrespectful language, it’s an opportunity to listen, learn, and grow—not to dismiss or deflect.
Moving Forward
Breaking free from these patterns requires acknowledging the historical weight of words and their lasting impact. We must challenge ourselves to foster a society where language is not used to categorize, diminish, or marginalize. Instead, let our words affirm the dignity, equality, and humanity of all people.
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