Recently, I had a conversation with a young fraternity brother who was 25 years old and beginning to become active with our graduate chapter.
As we talked, I shared my own experience. I told him how out of place I felt when I attended my first graduate chapter meeting at the age of 22. I went to the meeting, sat through it, left—and never returned.
It would be another four years before I became active with a graduate chapter.
Another brother who was listening to our conversation stopped me and asked a simple question:
“Did any brother reach out to you while you were at the meeting? Did anyone engage you or try to talk to you?”
I thought about it and answered honestly.
“No.”
He responded, “That was the problem. You just needed one brother to reach out to you.”
That statement stayed with me because it was true.
One Brother Made the Difference
When I was 26 years old and stationed in the military, I met a fraternity brother who would eventually become one of my mentors. He remains a mentor to me today.
He did not approach me by telling me that I needed to return to the fraternity. He did not lecture me about becoming financially active, attending meetings or fulfilling my obligations.
He simply engaged me.
He talked to me. He showed an interest in me. He connected with me as one brother speaking to another.
For me, that was enough.
That one relationship helped draw me back into the fraternity. It was not a large recruitment campaign, a formal membership initiative or an elaborate event that re-energized me.
It was one person.
The Pattern Throughout My Life
As I look back over the course of my life and career, I recognize that this has been a recurring pattern.
Whether it involved my fraternity, another organization or a professional endeavor, nearly every time I became active again, it was because one person took the time to engage me.
I have experienced periods when I distanced myself from organizations. I have even experienced periods when I distanced myself from my fraternity.
As an only child and an introvert, becoming an island unto myself can feel natural. I can easily keep to myself, remain in my own space and convince myself that I am fine operating independently.
However, I also understand something important about myself: when I have felt motivated to re-engage, it was rarely because I reached that decision entirely on my own.
Usually, someone reached out.
They did not necessarily tell me to return. They did not demand anything from me. They simply contacted me to ask how I was doing.
That small act often reminded me that my presence mattered.
We Underestimate the Power of Personal Engagement
Many fraternities, nonprofit organizations, professional associations and volunteer groups are searching for ways to increase participation.
They create membership drives. They organize networking events, picnics, conferences, receptions and social gatherings. They send emails, distribute flyers and promote activities through social media.
All of those efforts can be valuable.
However, we often underestimate the power of engaging someone one-on-one.
I have attended my fair share of networking events and organizational gatherings. There have been many occasions when I stood by myself, exchanged a few superficial greetings and then watched everyone go their separate ways.
I am not suggesting that people have an obligation to approach me whenever I enter a room. I am also not suggesting that organizations must cater to every person’s individual personality.
What I am saying is that people engage differently.
People also make different calculations about where they will invest their time, attention and emotional energy.
Some people can walk into a crowded room and immediately begin building relationships. Others may need a more personal invitation into the conversation.
I know myself. I tend to keep my distance. I tend to observe before I participate. I am not always going to force my way into a group or insert myself into someone else’s conversation.
But I can confidently say that nearly every time I have become re-energized, re-engaged or recommitted, there was at least one person who made the effort to connect with me.
That connection reminded me that I was seen.
More importantly, it reminded me that I was valued.
Organizations Are Made of People
At the end of the day, organizations are not merely constitutions, bylaws, meeting schedules, committees or programs.
Organizations are made of people.
Every person has a reason for joining. Every person has a different source of motivation. Every person has a different level of comfort, commitment and connection.
We should be careful about making assumptions regarding why someone is not participating.
A person’s absence does not always mean that they are uninterested.
Their silence does not always mean that they do not care.
Their distance does not always mean that they have rejected the organization.
Sometimes, people are dealing with personal responsibilities. Sometimes, they are unsure where they fit. Sometimes, they do not feel connected. Sometimes, they are simply waiting for one person to make them feel welcome.
That is why engagement matters.
The Value of Remembering Someone
Never underestimate the value of speaking to someone you have not seen in a while.
Ask how they are doing.
Ask what has been happening in their life.
Remember something they previously shared with you and follow up on it.
A simple statement such as, “The last time we talked, you were preparing for a new opportunity. How did that work out?” can communicate something powerful.
It tells the person that you listened.
It tells them that you remembered.
It tells them that their life mattered enough for you to retain a small piece of their story.
That moment may seem insignificant to you, but it may be exactly what that person needs.
You may never know that your conversation gave someone the confidence to attend another meeting. You may never know that your phone call encouraged someone to volunteer again. You may never know that your willingness to engage helped someone recover a sense of belonging.
You may never know that you helped re-energize them.
Be the One Person
Organizations often focus on large-scale solutions.
How do we recruit more members?
How do we increase attendance?
How do we improve participation?
How do we bring people back?
Perhaps the answer does not always begin with a program.
Perhaps it begins with one person.
One person who notices someone standing alone.
One person who sends a message.
One person who makes a phone call.
One person who remembers.
One person who says, “Hey, how are you doing? What has been going on with you?”
You may not be able to re-engage everyone.
You may not be able to solve every organizational challenge.
But you may be the one person who reminds someone that they still belong.
And sometimes, one person is all it takes.
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