They Called It Arrogance. I Was Just Being Uniquely Me.

Years ago, as I was preparing to graduate from the University of Tampa, a young woman told me something I wasn’t expecting.

She said there were students who found me annoying because they thought I was arrogant.

It wasn’t the first time I had heard that characterization, but it still caught me off guard. I didn’t see myself as arrogant at all. In fact, internally, I was extremely insecure.

That left me with an uncomfortable question: How could I project so much confidence when I didn’t feel particularly confident inside?

Looking back now, I think I finally understand.

What Other People Saw

By my senior year, I had become a fixture in many parts of university life.

I was a University of Tampa Diplomat. I was a resident assistant. I served on student-faculty committees. I participated in ROTC and college work-study. I was a member of a fraternity.

I wasn’t deliberately trying to be everywhere. I was simply involved in things that interested me and moving through spaces that had become comfortable.

From my perspective, I wasn’t doing anything exceptional. I was just being me.

But that probably wasn’t how it appeared to someone watching from the outside.

They may have seen someone who seemed able to walk into different environments, assume different responsibilities and interact comfortably with different groups of people. They may have interpreted that ease as someone who thought highly of himself.

The irony was that the person they perceived as arrogant was still trying to recognize his own value.

Moving Before I Had Permission

A few years later, I made another decision that probably looked like extreme confidence.

I transferred my job with the State of Florida from Tallahassee to Tampa because I wanted to attend graduate school at the University of South Florida.

There was just one important detail:

I hadn’t applied yet.

I took a lateral transfer, paid for the move myself and relocated my entire life to pursue a graduate program that had not accepted me—or even received my application.

When reduced to those facts, it sounds like something only an extraordinarily confident or arrogant person would do.

But that wasn’t how I saw it.

I had an undergraduate degree in biology. The graduate program required a science background. I was already working in a field directly connected to the program. The state would pay for graduate courses related to my job.

From my perspective, the pieces logically fit together.

I wasn’t thinking, “There is no possible way they can reject me.”

I was thinking, “I have the required educational background. I work in the relevant field. This program is designed for people with qualifications and experience like mine. There is no obvious reason this shouldn’t work.”

That distinction matters.

I wasn’t assuming the world owed me an opportunity. I was evaluating the situation and deciding that I belonged among the people being considered for it.

When Your Body Knows Before Your Mind Does

In both situations, I was moving with an external confidence that my internal identity had not fully embraced.

My mind may not have completely understood who I was becoming, but my actions were already expressing it.

As an undergraduate, I moved naturally through leadership and service roles because those environments made sense to me.

When I pursued graduate school, I repositioned my life because the opportunity made logical sense for my education, experience and future.

I wasn’t making those moves to prove anything to anyone. I wasn’t constructing an image or trying to project superiority. I was following a sense of direction that felt natural—even when I hadn’t stopped to appreciate what those decisions revealed about me.

Sometimes our minds are the last part of us to catch up.

We may continue questioning ourselves while our actions demonstrate courage. We may feel insecure while consistently accepting responsibility. We may doubt whether we belong while moving through the space as though some deeper part of us already knows that we do.

Arrogance or Self-Assurance?

I can now understand why someone might have looked at the younger me and concluded that I was arrogant.

He was visible. He was involved. He seemed comfortable. He made consequential decisions without seeking much approval. He relocated for a graduate program before submitting the application.

I can see what they saw.

But arrogance usually carries an assumption of superiority—believing that you are more important, more deserving or more capable than everyone around you.

That wasn’t what was happening.

I wasn’t trying to place myself above anyone. I was simply moving toward things that felt aligned with who I was and what I believed I could do.

What appeared to be arrogance may actually have been an emerging form of self-assurance.

There is a meaningful difference between believing you are better than everyone else and believing you are capable of occupying a particular space.

There is a difference between assuming an opportunity belongs to you and recognizing that you have every right to pursue it.

There is also a difference between performing confidence and moving with an assurance that you cannot yet explain.

Being Uniquely Me

For many years, I failed to appreciate what my decisions revealed about me.

I didn’t recognize how unusual it was to participate in so many parts of university life while treating that involvement as ordinary. I didn’t appreciate the confidence required to move to Tampa before graduate school became certain.

I was simply doing what felt logical and comfortable.

Some people may have called it arrogance. Others might describe it as confidence or self-assurance.

Today, I would call it being uniquely me—without yet appreciating how unique being me actually was.

Perhaps there are parts of your life where you are doing the same thing.

Maybe you are moving through responsibilities that would overwhelm someone else. Maybe you are making decisions that seem bold to other people but feel natural to you. Maybe you are already demonstrating strengths that your internal identity has not learned to name.

Before dismissing those things as ordinary, stop and take inventory.

Your mind may still be questioning whether you belong. Your actions may already know the answer.

Are You Standing at a Career Crossroads?

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This four-part collection examines leaving comfort to pursue purpose, making consequential decisions without guarantees, confronting imposter feelings and learning to own your professional value.

You may not need to become someone entirely different. You may simply need to recognize the person your choices have already revealed.

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