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Recognizing those people who are helping you become thick skinned


Have you ever played a card game with a group of people who are ruthless? That was my first experience when I was in my fraternity back in college. I had the opportunity to play cards with my frat brothers and these brothers did not care. They were ruthless. They would shred you psychologically and verbally and did not care about the consequences. But it wasn’t just limited to your opponents. Your partners were also equally ruthless because they expected you not to make any mistakes. And this was my introduction to the thickening of my skin.


I’m always amazed by people who keep making references to people who have thin skin because my first thought is that they could never be a part of my organization. But then as I went through and interacted with other friends and other organizations, i.e. other fraternities and sororities, I realized that this was not an uncommon situation. They all experience the same level of brutality and their organizations. And then I started realizing that a lot of sports teams, and artists, and other competitive environments had the same type of people. People who are driven to not only get the best out of you but had a little patience for holding your hand and cuddling you during the process.


I’m not saying that everyone responds to a certain level of brutality or aggressiveness the same way. But I have long come to appreciate the reality that if you are a person with thin skin you need to be mindful of what organizations or entities you want to affiliate yourself with. As someone who has served in the military and has been in a number of organizations with individuals who were very tough on people regardless of whether they were big skeleton skin, I learned early on the importance of using those comments and feedback as an opportunity for growth.


Now I don’t want anybody to take what I’m saying as an indication that I am endorsing any type of bullying environment. I’m sure there’s some people right now who are reading this we’re thinking that I am effectively saying that you need to allow yourself to be bullied in order to become more tough. That is not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that in some environments when you are working with people who are driven for success and committed to getting to that place of success, if they have allowed you to operate within their space, it’s not because they are hoping that you will be OK. It’s because they’ve identified you with someone who shares certain traits similar to them and who is also equally driven to getting to some place.


So always be mindful that if you are committed to achieving the desired goal and you want to associate yourself with people who have that same level of dried, energy, and passion, they may not be as amicable to working around any bins skin issues you may have. Again, this is not about somebody trying to bully you or intimidate you. This is about having people who are driven to help you get the best out of you and are not as patient.


Know the environment you choose to enter and remember, you wouldn’t be there unless they want you there and you want to be there.

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